Dear, Reader, During a recent girls night, my best friend and I got to talking about how differently we’ve experienced our faith. She grew up in a super small town. So small that she likes to brag about the day her town got its first four-way flashing light. Additionally, she was the youngest of five kids AND a pastor’s kid. She legit lived in a fishbowl. The pressure to “be good” and follow the rules was intense. She also was/is strong willed, confident, and not afraid to speak her mind. As...
24 days ago • 2 min read
Dear, Reader, So, I have to tell you a little bit more about the specific thing that came up for me during my last sound therapy session. I already told you about the full body release, but I didn’t tell you what was happening in my head. I kept having this paradoxical feeling of wanting to be known. And also this intensely uncomfortable sense of not wanting to be noticed at all. I kept pulling on that thread throughout the following week and realized this was nothing new. As a kid, I was...
about 1 month ago • 2 min read
Dear, Reader, For the last several months, I’ve gotten myself hooked on deep tissue massages coupled with sound therapy. I’ve had plenty of sporadic massages over the course of my life and they were all great experiences, but I often found myself unable to fully relax. I would end up chatting up the therapist, asking questions, offering positive feedback. Enjoyable conversation, but there was a part of me that wished I could just settle into the experience more. Around March of this year, I...
about 2 months ago • 2 min read
Dear, Reader, To finish up this three part series on unearned deference, I’d like to dive one level deeper and talk about what happens internally when we defer. Let’s go back to the library scene, shall we? So there I was pacing the aisle of books, Bible open, willing something spontaneous (aka: from the Holy Spirit) to leap off the page. I was legit white knuckling my way to fixing my prayer life so I could perform this prayer leader role “the right way.” What my body believed in that moment...
3 months ago • 2 min read
Dear, Reader, I don’t even remember what prompted the very first fact finding I conducted. I just remember feeling weird about the fact that a 20 something (me) was asking a grown adult woman, well into her career, why she didn’t feel the need to take accountability for her actions. This woman had life experience. She was in charge of stuff. She knew things. She should know better. Shouldn’t she? Instead of taking responsibility, she deflected and got snarky with me. I considered that while I...
3 months ago • 3 min read
Dear, Reader, One of my creative outlets in high school included writing bible verses against a colorful pastel backdrop. Picture a tie dye vibe with an edgy 90s grunge font. One of the favorites I made for myself was the verse from Romans 5:3-4: …we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. This verse brought me a lot of peace and stability during a disorienting stretch of life. Until you get old enough...
3 months ago • 2 min read
Dear, Reader, The other night, I sat down to draft an email to you. I had earmarked about 45 minutes to write. I typed the date and the subject line, then opened a new tab on my desktop and scrolled social media. Half an hour later, I was no closer to putting an idea to paper. I’d like to say that I pulled it together, but alas, I did not. I ran out of time and had to abandon the endeavor for another day. SO unrewarding. This mundane thing was actually a moment where I gave up my personal...
4 months ago • 2 min read
Dear, Reader, As a kid, I couldn't wait to go to summer church camp. The crafts, the pool, the campfires, the fun with old friends, the worship music. I loved it so much, I eventually became a camp counselor myself. Many of our morning wake-up calls involved some sort of 90s Christian music playing over the loud speakers. So many favorites - Newsboys, D.C.Talk. Avalon’s “Testify to Love” ranked pretty highly too. What I didn’t know then but have since learned this week is that one of the...
4 months ago • 1 min read
Dear, Reader, A good friend of mine gently pointed out to me that the language I use when describing my experience of evangelicalism is often wrapped up in what I DON’T want. I’m like: Yeah. And? She then asked: What DO you want? Because if you keep focusing on what you’re fighting against, you’ll subconsciously allow yourself to shift from being oppressed to being victimized. Whhhhaaattt?? First of all, everyone needs a friend like this. Second, let’s talk about what this looks like....
6 months ago • 2 min read
